Christmas Gone Wrong!
by Kikyo Maaka
Summary: Santa falls ill one Christmas and gets his assistant, Shadow, to find someone to do his job this year. However, what Shadow doesn't know is that he's chosen the worst candidate for the job... or maybe not?
1. Sickness Can Cause Bad Things

A/N: Yup, I said this wouldn't be on here until I actually got home from vacation, but I decided to write the first chapter. So here it is :) Oh, and a reference list will be at the end of the chapter, just for those things that might need explanation haha. So with that, here's the story!

Disclaimer: Trey Parker and Matt Stone own South Park, not me. And Sonic Team/ Sega owns Shadow. He just made an apperance because I love him XD

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-Chapter 1-

Sickness Can Cause Bad Things (Prologue)

Ah yes, it was Christmas time yet again in the small mountain town of South Park. And I can't believe how much that sounded like a line from the actual show. Anyways, back to the story!

As the townsfolk of South Park where preparing for whatever year it was in the town's Christmas, various things where happening.

Shadow the Hedgehog was, and still is, paranoid of the internet, and had become Santa's assistant. Dragonbreath's fanfics were getting extreme amounts of views (and possibly reviews too), while random teens were at home watching either "The Ultimate Showdown" or "The Ultimate Orgy." They're more likely to watch the second one. As well as that, a mass (yet unknown to the world) protest broke out outside Sega's studios, with Sonic fans requesting -no, demanding- the return of Ryan Drummond and the other original voice actors. And voice actresses. Also, LittleKuriboh's videos were getting numerous views, even though a proper YouTube account of his is yet to be found. Oh well. And, to finish this really random and weird non-Christmas related list, there is probably many teens reading slash/ yaoi/ yuri stories right now. Sadly though, Gravitation and Strawberry Panic! don't count there. Sorry!

Now, to get back to the actual story, we were talking about... err, what was it again? Oh yes, I think it was Christmas. More specifically, Christmas in South Park. So, to return to our story, we shall go to the North Pole. Or wherever Santa's workshop is in the world.

Now, in Santa's so-called workshop, his workers (who are actually normal people who get paid) were ordering (not making) toys and other gifts for those on Santa's "nice" list. Which was pretty much everyone, save for a few people. Like Pervy Sage. And some kid named John. And Kai Minase. Either way, Santa's "naughty" list was small.

Santa himself, on the other hand, was preparing for the big day. Or, at least he was _trying_ to.

Sadly, the world's most favorite man (at Christmas, anyways) had fallen ill with the flu. But Santa was strong, despite his age, and chose to continue his preparations until...

"What are you doing?" his new assistant, Shadow, asked.

"I'm trying..." Santa broke into a coughing fit before he could finish his sentence. After he stopped, he continued, "I'm trying to prepare for Christmas day."

"Riiiight..." Shadow replied, "Letting you go and deliver gifts on Christmas Eve would be like letting the professor continue working after he went insane. And letting him do _that_ would have caused the destruction of the Earth."

"It will be the end of the world if I _don't _deliver these gifts to children on Christmas!" Santa protested, these words immediately followed by another coughing fit.

Shadow chose to wait until Santa was done coughing, in which Shadow didn't bother asking if his boss was okay, as he already knew the answer. Instead, he said, "Dude, just get a replacement this year. Besides, you've been doing this since the dawn of time."

"Well, I guess there's only one question to ask at a time like this," the elder man stated.

"And what would that be?"

"What would Jesus do!" he said, thinking the question over.

Magically, and out of nowhere, Jesus himself appeared. "I'd tell you to get a replacement and take this year off. Besides, it's like Shadow said. You have been doing this for a while."

"Thank you, Jesus," Shadow said.

"No problem, my blessed child," Jesus replied before returning to South Park. Or maybe Heaven?

Either way, to return to the problem at hand, Santa was sick.

"Fine," he finally said, "but _you're_ in charge of finding my replacement, Shadow."

"I'll get right on it!" Shadow said, saluting Santa before going and getting the workers at the workshop to send out an ad for a replacement Santa. Unfortunately, what Shadow did _not_ know was the potential, err... "danger," if you will, that this could cause everyone on Earth... or at least the residents of South Park. Especially after a certain fat and greedy teen saw this ad...

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Okay, now it's time for those "references."

-Shadow is technically a main character in the story, which kinda makes this a South Park/ Sonic crossover. He's the only Sonic character in this though.  
-The whole thing of Shadow hating the internet is from one of Dragonbreath's fanfics. Read "Shadow the Hedgehog FX" for the explanation.  
-LittleKuriboh is the creator of the Yugioh Abridged Series, which still (kinda) doesn't exist, though that's according to Wikipedia.  
-The three names on the "naughty" list are actually all people I know, and have some disliking towards.

Yup, that'd be it... :) Thanks to Blue Streak for posting this idea on his forum (even though it was someone else's, but meh.). And yes, our favorite (?) fatass will be in the next chapter. Maybe a review from you, the darling reader, might help me write the next chapter quickly. :)


	2. Mr Nameless

A/N: Yup, I finally wrote the next chapter haha hopefully there won't be as long of a wait for the next one, seeing as most of it is already done :)

Also, many thanks go to KayTeeBeth for giving the only review (which tells me there's at least someone reading this!) and to ChapeauVert for pretty much suppporting my other fanfic, "The Tainted Glass" (Seriously, go read it!), and so with that, here's chapter two! And yes, like I promised, Cartman is finally in the story :)

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-Chapter 2-

Mr. Nameless

It was the last week of school before the Christmas break, and, like usual, everyone was discussing their plans; or, in some cases, making them. This continued until the bell rang, which was exactly when their English teacher walked into the room.

Putting the usual things he had with him (a laptop, a planning book, a textbook of some sort and whatever book he was reading at the time) on his desk, he started the class. Since it was Tuesday, it was the day for journal writing. This was something that had started since the beginning of the year, where he alternated between journals and reading. The class had gotten used to this, as well as one other thing.

"Excuse me, but why the hell do we have to write a journal?"

That would be the second one. For some reason, Eric Cartman always had to ask this, though he was normally less polite when he did.

And, like usual, their teacher responded with, "Well Cartman, as I've said over and over again, it's meant to get you to write something."

So, with that, the class started to write. Their topic today was to write a descriptive journal, as some of the people in the class didn't put enough "color" into their essays and such.

Their teacher had asked a couple of students to read their journals, including Cartman, who wasn't particularly happy about this. After Butters had finished reading, they continued on what they were doing the day before. Of course, no one was excited about this, but their teacher tried to remain enthusiastic despite of this. Seeing that his class was bored half to death, with some even sleeping, he gave up and told they could just talk for the rest of the class, though to speak quietly. Only one person objected to this.

"Mr. Teacher, shouldn't we be doing something at least? I mean, exams are next month," the ginger kid of the class said. He was actually a daywalker, but no one really cared; as long as you had red hair, you were called a ginger these days. This whole concept, of course, was brought up by none other than Cartman when they were in grade four.

"I can see why you're asking that, but I don't really see the point if no one's going to pay attention. Your class is already ahead of the other ones anyway," the teacher pointed out. "And Kyle, could you please just call me by--"

The last part of this wasn't heard, as Cartman had started laughing loudly about something that Kenny had said. When Cartman finally stopped laughing, Kyle asked, "What were you saying?" The teacher merely waved him off.

Now, to explain the whole thing with the teacher. It started on the first day of grade eleven, when he had walked into the room. He was a new teacher at the school, so none of the students knew his name. But his appearance was already strange: he always wore a dress shirt and tie, he had really short hair and he wore glasses, though there have been random days where he'd wear contacts instead. There was also his obsession with vampires, though this was only known because Cartman had pointed it out. Either way, he didn't exactly blend in well with the other teachers. This didn't make him popular with the students either, as most of them disliked any sort of educational figure, as well as the fact that he stood out from the other teachers.

So, when he had walked into the class on the first day, he was about to introduce himself until Cartman had cut him off. The whole thing went something like this:

Teacher: "Hello class, I'm--"

Cartman: "We don't give a fuck about your name."

Teacher: "Um... what?"

Cartman: "I said that we don't fucking care. Teachers are Jews and fags--"

Kyle: "Hey!"

Cartman: "--and I have no reason to know their names because of that."

Teacher: "Okay then, let's just start the class..."

Therefore, because of that incident, no one knew his actual name, so most of them called him "Mr. Teacher," though a few called him "Mr. Nameless," though that was usually used when they spoke about him and not to him. No one was interested in wanting to know his name except for Kyle, though every time it was stated someone or something would make some loud noise, and the name would never be heard.

So, to return to what's happening, after school everyone decided to go straight home, as they'd likely be shopping later that night. The exception to this was Kyle, though it didn't take a genius to figure out why. Tonight though he decided to take a walk, as Stan, his "closest friend," was busy preparing for the holidays.

When Kyle passed by the local mall however, he saw a strange ad saying: "Do you want to be like Santa for one night? We're looking for you!" The sign showed a group of people, with some abnormal creature -- a hedgehog, maybe? -- in the front pointing in Kyle's direction. While he was Jewish and didn't celebrate Christmas, he was a little curious as to what was meant by this. Technically, mall Santa's don't do the same job as the actual Santa. They weren't looking for someone to replace the real Santa this year, were they?

Now taking a bit of interest in the whole thing, Kyle looked into the window that was closest to him. He saw the same black and red hedgehog-like thing in there, and it looked like it was talking to someone. Moving to get a better view, Kyle saw who the hedgehog was talking to, and he instantly knew that this year was going to be the most fucked up one.

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A/N: And that'd be the end of this chapter, and I forgot to mention before about there being an original character, who is based off of at least two people I know, but meh. The reason that he's nameless though is because I couldn't think of a name for him, and I have no clue as to when I will haha.

So, with that, I'll get to work on chapter three! Maybe you could leave something, like a possible review? XD


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